Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Random Acts of Kindness: The Tale of the Christmas Corningware

What I love about Christmas, besides the screaming children and angry women who trample you to get a deal, is watching men shop for their wives/significant other's gifts.

I've been shopping roughly 3 days out of the past 5 for Christmas gifts and in every store I run into a man who's obviously shopping for gifts for his wife. How can I tell? Well it's the overwhelming look of fear and confusion that makes them stick out like a sore thumb.

Take Friday night for example. I'm shuffling through the isles of Linens and Things trying to find something practical, fun and affordable for my mother. Then I thought screw it, I'll just go to walmart and buy something cheap.

So there I am wandering the isles when I come across one of the saddest sights I've seen. This guy, I'd say about sixty something is holding two boxes of corningware and looks like he's about to cry. Honestly, it looks like he has to choose between losing his left ball or his right ball --- the choice was that difficult. So I walk next to him and crack a witty joke, asking if he needs any help. He looks at me as if I'm Batman who's just swooped in to save him from an angry group of gangbangers. He asks me which set he should get his wife --- he said she wanted serving bowls --- but whats the difference between one set of white bowls and the other?

I realized I was in over my head at the moment too. But I let my feminine logic work it out. "Well," I said, "Corningware is for cooking and Serving Bowls are for serving." He looked at me blankly. Kind of how I look at my dad when he explained why my car blew up. He replies with "But these are prettier" I nod and point to the pretty ones. No need to explain the ins and outs of Rachel Ray's new cooking line. He then smiles and thanks me for my help. But before he leaves I give him a helpful hint, and I seriously said this...

"It's a safe bet that if you buy corningwear --- you better follow it with something shiney...just to be safe."

I only say this because of an unfortante incident that occurred in my family over a oven mitt and can opener. Don't ask. Anyways, Mr. Confused Guy laughs and tells me he just bought her a new car. This is just something that she had asked him for on the side.

Sonnofabitch. A new friggin car!?

So there he goes, walking away with his corningware and a smile. And there I stand in the dish department, hoping that I get something shiny from my boyfriend this year --- but if not, I'll certainly take a car...

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