Monday, January 10, 2011
Love Analytix: The Female Dictionary
In order for most relationships to work, communication is essential. And although most women and men are well aware of this, the differences in how we communicate can often cause signals to get crossed. Improving communication between males and females boils down to understanding and then accepting the different styles of communication, instead of trying to change it. Especially when it comes to understanding the language of women.
Generally speaking, female communication can be very difficult for men to decipher due to the complex way women express themselves. This complexity usually comes as a result of one of two reasons. First, women are usually far more detail oriented than men, who typically communicate by getting "straight to the point."
For example, a woman could attempt to tell her man about a certain co-worker who is bothering her at work, and somehow the story leads her to tell him details about what the co-worker had on, how many children she has, and what she ate for lunch. Sometimes when women expresses themselves, they include excessive details which can makes it difficult for a man to pay attention or get the point she was trying to make.
The other most common reason men find it difficult to understand the language of a female is that we don't always say what we truly mean. It's baffling for a man to hear a woman say 'yes' and mean 'no', or say 'no' but really mean 'yes'. So in an attempt to crack the code, here is a simple guide to understanding the language of women, or what we like to call the 'Female Dictionary.'
'Nevermind, Forget It'
Usually said by a woman at her first level of anger and actually means you better NOT forget it, but quickly figure out what you did wrong and apologize before her anger escalates.
Ex: Did you get home at 4 am? Well you should of-- nevermind, forget it.
This is said as a response to something a female didn't like and also serves as a warning for a man to explain what he just said immediately or retract it all together.
Synonym: What the hell did you just say to me?
'I Love You'
Women do not really say this unless they truly mean it. So 'I love you,' simply means I love you.
'How Are You And Your Girlfriend?'
Women never really care about the other woman, so if she is posing this question she's subtly asking, "When are you two breaking up?"
Ex: Wow! We haven't talked since we dated two years ago, how are you and your girlfriend doing?
'I Didn't Hear My Phone'
Usually used as an excuse for when a woman doesn't want to speak with you. She heard her phone and she just didn't want to hear your voice.
Ex: What? You called? I didn't hear my phone, it was in my purse.
When you do something wrong and gets a woman to a point where she is overtly calm and cool about the situation, approach with caution.
Ex: I passed by your house last night and I saw your ex's car there. No, you don't have to explain, it's cool.
Sadly, most women are bluffing when they say these words. Often times a woman is not emotionally equipped to end the relationship yet, and uses this phrase as a warning. It usually ends up meaning, "I'm trying to get your attention, and I'll allow you one more chance to make it right."
Synonyms: It's over, I can't do this, I give up.
'I'm Mad, I'll Just Talk To You Later'
Women love to talk and to communicate whether or not they are upset. If she says she no longer wants to continue the conversation, what she's really saying is that she wants you to initiate conversation. Either way, it's a request for the man to call or text to make sure she's okay.
'I'm Not Looking For A Relationship'
While some women would prefer to be single, most would never shun a good man unless past experiences have her in a bad place. This statement is actually a public service announcement for a man to know she's scared about being hurt again.
Synonyms: I'm just focusing on me, I'm sick of the BS
She's past the point of any type of anger or frustration and has already made up in her mind that she's ready to move on. At this point she's already 'doing her' and no longer cares how you choose to behave.
Synonyms: Makes no difference to me, go right on
'I'll Be Ready In Five Minutes'
The biggest lie a woman will ever tell. As women, we want to look nice for out man, while slightly making other women a little jealous. Five minutes at minimum will be at least another half hour.
Formula: For the correct arrival time, take the amount of minutes she says and add 20 minutes.
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post's TheRoot.com, XXL's Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today's biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter@InviteOnly to find out "who is and isn't invited."